


Breakfast in Westeros

by Belsmomaus



Category: Captain America (Movies), Game of Thrones (TV), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bantering, F/M, Friendship, Humor, M/M, knowledge of Game of Thrones absolutely necessary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 02:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6593860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belsmomaus/pseuds/Belsmomaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>- It all began one morning in their joint kitchen when they had breakfast and Bucky entered the room.<br/>Tony would look up, smirk and announce his arrival: “Whoo, Winter is coming!” -</p><p>The Avengers enjoy breakfast together when their conversation gets a little bit carried away ... all the way to Westeros. And - strictly speaking - it's not even Tony's fault.</p><p> </p><p>Spoilers up to (and including) Season 5 of Game of Thrones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breakfast in Westeros

**Author's Note:**

> I can't remember what set this idea in motion, I really can't. But as soon as it was there I just couldn't stop it - and I didn't want to either.  
> It's silly and it's (hopefully) funny.  
> So, enjoy!
> 
> My thanks goes to raiderhansolo (http://raiderhansolo.tumblr.com) who was so kind to read this story on very short notice and offer their opinion on my silly idea and all the decisions I took with it!  
> And thanks to PadBlack, for reading yet another story where you only know half the fandom!

**_ Breakfast in Westeros _ **

 

It all began one morning in their joint kitchen when they had breakfast and Bucky entered the room.

Tony would look up, smirk and announce his arrival: “Whoo, Winter is coming!”

 

Well, no, that’s not where it started. Because – actually – it’s Pepper’s fault.

 

It all began when Pepper dragged Tony out of his workshop after he’d been holed up in there for days on end. She wanted him to get a break, to relax and to spend some time amongst humans. Well, and she wanted to actually spend some time with the man she loved. So she’d goaded him with a promise of fun and action and lots of naked women, in other words: Game of Thrones.

As it were – if you believe it or not – he was the only one of the Avengers who hadn’t watched it at all, always too busy working and tinkering. With his suits, his ideas, his repairs. Or too busy fighting his nightmares off by his method of choice: scotch and more tinkering.

The show drew him in immediately – now he understood some of the strange “Stark” comments these last weeks. It felt strange to realize that for once he’d been the one not getting pop culture references.

And to not let that happen again he got to work and was up to date with his colleagues and friends – and therefore season 5 - in all but three days. It’s a wonder he actually managed to spend some alone time with Pepper as well during those days, re-enacting the cave scene between Ygritte and Jon Snow in their Jacuzzi.

 

That’s why he is now the first in the kitchen for breakfast – well, because of the catching up part. Not the Jacuzzi part. 

He’s a bit pale and the lately always present dark circles under his eyes are even more pronounced, but apart from that he’s still hyper from the thrill and emotional turmoil of the  final two episodes he’s just finished.

Steve and Natasha join him soon enough, the former wide awake and cheerful, starting to cook scrambled eggs and bacon, the latter equally wide awake but with a dangerous glint in her eyes, simply inhaling a steaming cup of black coffee before starting any kind of social interaction. Clint trudges in behind her, crumpled and grumpy, his shirt and sweats still wrinkled from his bed – let alone his hair. And yet he immediately starts to cook a giant pile (and with giant I mean frigging enormous!) of pancakes and waffles nonetheless. His growl when Natasha pushes a cup of coffee into his face sounds almost tender. At any rate it sounds grateful.

Pepper comes in next, neat and gorgeous as ever, even in simple jeans and Tony’s favorite Black Sabbath shirt. She greets Tony with a shake of her head – she spots at once that he hasn’t slept yet again – and a loving kiss at his somewhat dopey grin, before she goes about cutting fruit for a big bowl of fruit salad. She also manipulates the genius with eased skill into setting the table – not just with plates but also toast and jam and cereals and stuff – while Natasha arranges for a big enough coffee supply.

And just when they’ve all sat down and started eating, Bucky strolls into the room in a tight shirt and hair still wet from the shower, making Steve’s mouth water for a completely different reason than the food on his plate.

And Tony smirks and cocks an eyebrow: “Whoo, Winter is coming!”

It earns him an irritated slap to the back of his head as Bucky strides past before he flops onto his chair next to Steve and pulls the blond closer by his shirt to plant a kiss on his lips. “Shouldn’t have left so early. You missed out on an amazing shower.”

But Tony doesn’t take well to the complete disregard of his hilarious joke. And the slap as well, of course. “Hey, I’m a Stark. I can say that whenever I want. I’m entitled to those words!”

Clint snickers as he spreads a disgustingly thick layer of Nutella onto one of the pancakes only to place another pancake on top and so on. Natasha watches him like a hawk and cuts him off with a quick tap of her knife onto his pancake just as he is about to spread layer number four. He grumbles, pouts and sulks for a moment before he puts the Nutella away and cuts off a piece of his thousand calories breakfast masterpiece instead.

Steve huffs out a laugh. “Sorry Tony, but you are _so_ not a Stark! You might share the name, but House Stark is _not_ where you belong.”

“Is that so?” Tony challenges. “But there must always be a Stark in Winterfell, remember?”

“Maybe, but not you, Tony. Not you!”

 

And so things got rolling… on and on… and moved quickly beyond the point of no return.

 

Clint looks up from his plate and points his fork with a piece of his pancake-Nutella-stack at Tony from the other end of the table, grinning widely. “He’s a Targaryen, mad as he is.”

Bucky snorts while piling a ridiculous amount of pancakes onto his plate. “Don’t be stupid. He’s swimming in money and funds everyone here and everything we do. He never listens and you never know if there’s a hidden agenda behind his actions. He’s a Lannister through and through.” He assembles a few spoonfuls of fruit salad around his pancakes and then dribbles maple syrup over everything. “Come on, even his armor screams _Lannister_ with all that gold and red.”

“Huh,” Tony cocks an eyebrow, leaning back in his chair with a slice of toast covered in jam in his hand. “Is that so.” But then his gaze fixes on Pepper next to him and he nudges her foot with his. “How come you never call me your lion then?”

She rolls her eyes melodramatically. “Oh please!” She pops a piece of pineapple in her mouth, narrowing her eyes a bit while chewing. “Bucky’s right, though. You definitely _are_ a Lannister.”

Tony’s mouth drops open at her betrayal, but then he huffs and demonstratively takes a bite of his toast. “Alright, fine. I’m curious. Have anyone specific in mind, Robocop?”

Again it’s Clint who interrupts. “Tyrion. Without a doubt. Neither of you know how or when to shut up!”

Bucky seems to think about it for a second then shrugs. “Why not?” He holds up his metal hand and counts the reasons with his fingers, although he soon needs his second hand as well. “There’s the constant talking. The sass. The constant drinking. The daddy-issues. The talent for talking oneself out of trouble. The even greater talent for talking oneself _into_ trouble. And being fucking amazing at what they do.” He picks up his fork, only to look up again when something else crosses his mind. “And, of course, you’re both small.”

Tony ponders this for a moment, his lips pursed, then he shrugs. He can live with that. Tyrion is a pretty cool character. Witty, clever and he got revenge on his father for treating him like shit, so yeah, he could definitely live with that.

Nonetheless he picks up two grapes from the fruit bowl and flicks one at Barnes – who, of course, snatches it right out of the air with his super-human reflexes and takes the fun out of everything. “Better small and smart than tall and Hodor.”

The second grape he throws at Barton for the ‘never shutting up’-comment. He’s aimed for his face but it plops into the rest of his coffee instead. “At least I’m funny compared to you. And hey,” he grins at everyone around, “Tyrion is still alive!”

“Compelling reasons but I don’t think you’re Tyrion either,” Steve muses.

“Of course you don’t. Why am I not surprised? Well then, spit it out, who do you think fits me best?” Tony asks and takes another demonstrative bite of his toast.

Steve puts his fork down and his thinking face on. It’s far too serious for their silly conversation. “You’re more like Jaime.”

Now Tony _is_ offended. “The guy who fucks his sister? Seriously, Rogers?”

“Think about it,” Steve says and by now he’s got the full attention not just of Tony but the other’s as well. “Jaime is acclaimed to be one of the best in his field. He’s an arrogant bastard who knows that he’s the best. He grew up with the money and the privileges that his last name bring. He’s obnoxious and the path he’s chosen in life has brought him a nasty nickname. Kingslayer, Merchant of Death; not so different. But then he gets captured and imprisoned simply for who he is. And he gets heavily wounded. He barely survives and suddenly starts to _think_ about everything that led him there. He faces all the bad decision he’s made as well as the good ones and tries to find out what is truly important. And emerges a changed man. With a metal reminder of what happened.”

It’s quiet in the kitchen. What has started as silly bantering has suddenly been turned serious with Steve’s assessment. Some are still mulling over the listed similarities while others such as Natasha or Steve watch Tony for a reaction.

Tony for that matter is torn between Steve’s mostly good reasoning – bit close to home maybe, but mostly applicable nonetheless, although he could think of a couple of things that just don’t fit at all – and his dislike of the incest part of Jaime’s storyline. It’s not even the incest itself that’s a thorn in his side: it’s said sister. Cersei is one of his least favorite characters on the show and he just couldn’t fathom what Jaime loved about her – or why he _still_ loved her although she treats him like shit in the end.

The silence gets broken when Pepper next to him turns in her chair and scrutinizes her lover with a thoughtful expression. “That may be true, but I think Tyrion fits you better. Although-“ she drawls the word and a mischievous grin plays around the corners of her mouth, “to be honest, I’d say you’re a mix – albeit an uneven one – of all three Lannister siblings.”

 _This_ gets a reaction.

Now really indignant, Tony stares open mouthed – and betrayed – at his loved one, the woman he thought would always have his back. “ _What_? Now I’m _both_ parts of an incest couple? And _what the hell_ do you think I’ve got in common with that bitch Cersei?”

Pepper looks him right in the eyes, her sweetest smile on her face, and kisses his cheek. “You protect those you love with everything you’ve got!”

And just like that her words take the sting of the comparison away. His heart clenches and he loses himself in those lovely eyes. Oh yes, he’d do anything to protect this woman! With a quick motion he pulls her close, which makes her squeal in surprise, and kisses her properly.

And for once he chooses to completely ignore Clint’s not-really-funny mumblings of “lucky you don’t have a sister”.

When he lets Pepper go again he sees Natasha roll her eyes at him. “No matter which Lannister you are, Stark, you’re certainly just as obnoxious as them all.”

Tony leans back in his chair again and crosses his arms while his gaze moves from one of them to the next.

Pepper still smiles at him. Natasha eats her eggs, unimpressed by his wandering eyes. Clint is licking Nutella from his lips, Bucky devours his pancakes with frightening speed and Steve just sits back down with a refill of scrambled eggs.

“Well, hear me roar then. If I’m a Lannister, I’ll need a Stark to annoy. And who’s better fitted for that part than Mr. Oh-So-Noble Rogers?”

Steve raises an eyebrow, challenging him to go on.

“Let’s see. Born with an impairment that keeps you back. That keeps you from what you truly want. Nonetheless you’re desperate to prove your worth. Desperate enough to jump on the first chance you get. And you leave home, full of expectations. But that chance proves not to be just what you expected. Still, you fight all odds and defy orders wherever you go, always preaching your morals along the way. Soon you find yourself fighting a war against an enemy far greater than anyone could ever imagine and you fall for a fierce and damn hot girl. And because you’re an idiot you leave her behind to do what is right and end up alone. And as the leader of a sorry bunch of people trying to protect all of humanity all on their own. Sounds familiar, Jon Snow?”

Clint frowns so hard it looks painful. “Did- did you just compare us,” he waves at them all, “with a bunch of cutthroats and rapists? Lovely, Stark. Truly lovely.”

“There’s truth in there,” Natasha shrugs. And Clint stares at her in mock-shock. She only rolls her eyes and gives him a shove with her elbow. “I meant Jon Snow, not the rapist part, you idiot!”

“Brienne would also fit,” Pepper throws into the room while picking up a piece of orange with her fork.  “Fierce and honest, a great fighter and a good moral compass. And she got bullied for being different.”

Tony frowns at her. “What is it with you and choosing the wrong sex, woman?”

Pepper cocks her eyebrow at him, challenging. “What? Not man enough to be compared to a woman?”

Tony knows too well that he brought this one on himself. Luckily Bucky chooses that moment to voice his own opinion which lets Tony off the hook.

“Jon Snow doesn’t fit. Steve was sick, the serum changed that. But Snow’s a bastard, that doesn’t change. You can’t compare one with the other.”

“Oh yes, I can,” Tony states. “He takes the vow of the Night’s Watch and therefore abdicates all titles and family names. Being a bastard is no longer important. Anyway,” he shrugs, pulls off a piece of his waffle and pops it into his mouth. “You can take any other male Stark as well. Too noble and honorable for their own good. The whole bunch. But hey, at least I had the decency to pick the one who also has a brain!”

“And don’t forget about his direwolf. They’re inseparable. Ghost is always looking out for him, until they’re separated for a while. Then no one can control the wolf anymore, not really. Until they’re happily reunited later. The leader and the scary – and quite dangerous – protector.”

Natasha has no problem holding Bucky’s gaze as he stares at her now. “Did you just compare me to an animal?”

Steve leans closer and winks at his lover. “I like the idea. You all fluffy and completely in white…”

Bucky narrows his eyes, partly in disbelief, partly in annoyance. “A direwolf is a ferocious beast. And Ghost is dangerous. But one: he failed protecting Jon in the end! And two: fluffy??? Did you call me fluffy???”

Before he knows it, Steve is kissing him, cutting off any further protest. One of his hands is around his neck keeping him in place. Steve leans back again, leaving him a bit stunned. “Yes, I did, my fluffly, ferocious beast!”

Pepper smiles and Tony makes a show of rolling his eyes at their antics while eating the rest of his waffle.

Clink shakes his head. He takes a sip from his coffee and pointedly sucks the grape out of the cup before he chews it demonstratively. Then he grins. “I like this game. Who’d you pick for me?”

Bucky smirks. “Ygritte’s the best archer.”

Pepper uses that comment to nudge Tony’s shoulder. “See? I’m not the only one able to see past a set of chromosomes!”

Though at the same time Clint complains, vehemently. “I’m not a girl! And certainly not Steve’s girl! No, no, you have to do better than that!”

“Judging from your big mouth alone,” Tony huffs, “you’re either Tyrion, which you can only be to a certain degree since I’ve obviously have a claim on, let’s say, 60% of him? Or you’re Oberyn Martell.”

Clint’s eyes light up at once. “Oberyn… yeah, I like that,” he nods, clearly very pleased. “Sure, he gets a horrible death, but that guy was _so_ cool! And he gets lots of sex.”

Natasha’s skeptical gaze sets on Clint. “So, does that mean I’ll finally get that threesome with another man?”

Steve almost chokes on his coffee at this. Bucky snickers while he slaps his lover’s back until he recovers. Tony also chuckles while Pepper tries to hide her grin behind her cup of tea.

And Clint splutters, a bit pale all of a sudden.

Natasha snorts, amused at his expense. “Forget it, Clint. Apart from that big mouth you’ve got almost nothing in common with the Red Viper of Dorne.”

“Who then?” Clint finds his voice again and he sounds almost defying, or maybe sulky. “Who would _you_ pick for me?”

She lets him dangle for a moment, scraping the last remains of her eggs onto her piece of toast and eating it. Afterwards she raises an eyebrow at him. “I don’t think that one character alone could portray the crazy impossibility that is you.”

“Um… thanks?” Clint seems unsure at first but then his confident grin is back again. “Does that mean I get the rest of Tyrion? And maybe a dragon? Oh yes, can I be Drogon?”

It’s Tony’s turn to snort while he picks up the last piece of his waffle with his fingers. “And he thought _I_ would make a good Targaeryen…”

Natasha leans back and turns at that comment. With reflexes too fast to comprehend for Tony she reaches towards him behind Pepper’s back and steals the waffle out of his hand. She ignores his outraged protests and makes a show of enjoying it instead. “He might be crazy and stupid from time to time, but he’s not a Targaeryen.”

Then she focuses her attention back on Clint again, placing her hand on one of his to play with her fingers along his skin, seemingly absentmindedly. “Look, you’re loyal, you’re a good fighter and, most of all, you’ve got this strange talent to act as a mediator between people with very different backgrounds and opinions. Just like Jorah.”

“Mormont??? Mr. Mopey???”

Clint pulls his hand back and gets up, clearly unsure if he should be offended or pleased. So instead he opts for getting a coffee refill.

Steve shrugs. “Well, he’s even a spy.”

Pepper frowns. “It kind of fits… mostly… and in a very strange way…”

“Apart from the desperate, one-sided love for one of the people he mediates for,” Bucky points out.

Clint gets back and stops on his way right behind Natasha. “I much prefer the passionate, mutual kind of love for the one who does her mediating way better on her own!”

He looks down at her with a playful wink – and unmistakable adoration in his eyes – and when she tilts her head back to look up at him he leans down for a surprisingly sweet kiss.

The redhead smirks when he straightens up again. “You’ve also got the dirty mouth and the terrible sense of humor of Bronn.”

“Hm, he’s pretty cool, too,” Clint muses. “Not bad, not… wait,” he turns to Tony. “Does that mean I’ve got to save your sorry ass even more then?”

Bucky snorts. “Only half the time. And only 60% of his ass, remember?”

Clint is the first to laugh, the others join in just a moment later.

“What’s going on here?”

All eyes fell towards the open door of the kitchen where a slightly rumpled and tired looking Bruce stands with a confused expression, eyeing them all with suspicion.

“Brucie! Wonderful timing!” Tony greets him exuberantly. “Get yourself a coffee and sit down. We’re just in the middle of assigning the perfect fitting _Game of Thrones_ characters to each of us.”

Bruce frowns and blinks for a second, clearly asking himself how the hell that has come to pass, but then he thinks better of it. He knows that sometimes not knowing is better for one’s sanity, especially if it involves Tony. Or Clint. Or Natasha. Or Bucky. Well, anyway.

So instead of wondering he pours himself a coffee, snatches a yogurt from the fridge and a pack of walnuts from the counter and sits down at Bucky’s other side – he could’ve taken the empty place at the end of the table between Tony and Steve but he doesn’t like that place. It makes him feel like being the center of attention so he avoids it whenever possible.

He starts spooning some fruit salad into a bowl only to bury it underneath the yoghurt. “Okay, what did I miss?” he asks while he sprinkles some walnuts into his bowl. “I mean, apart from Steve being a Stark and Tony being a Lannister, which is kind of obvious.”

 

Clint and Tony summarize their assignments so far and Bruce nods, sipping his coffee. “No argument from me, except…”

“Except what?” Steve wants to know.

“Except that neither of your significant others fits the lovers of your characters.”

 “And a good thing, too.” Tony shudders. “I like my woman not related to me. And alive. And not killed by my own hands.”

Clint grins, unfazed. “All the better. Then let’s go on and find them some characters. And then we’ll see what strange new couples that’ll make in the land of _Game of Thrones_.”

“I’m not sure I want those pictures in my mind,” Steve mumbles.

Clint ignores him in favor of Bruce. “And we need a character match for Banner!”

“Yeah, you think about Bruce here, Barton, and meanwhile I’m going to find myself a beautiful woman.” Tony grins sideways at Pepper, places his hand on her thigh and squeezes her playfully. “What about Margaery? She’s hot! Or I could call you Khaleesi from now on.” He winks at her. Suggestively, but that goes without saying.

Pepper on the other hand rolls her eyes, a bit miffed, and bats his hand away. “Seriously Tony, that’s the only criteria you care about? Hotness?”

The genius looks back at her like a beaten puppy. “But you _are_ hot. And not just sexy-hot – which you so definitely are – but also hot-hot, you know, Extremis-hot. You emerged from a blazing fire without a scratch, just like Daenerys. Well, minus the dragons. Pity. It would be sooooo cool if you had dragons. Just imagine it, Iron Man accompanied by dragons. Or, even better, you riding on one of those fierce beasts…”

Natasha’s flat voice shuts him up at once. The underlying threat similarly sobering to an ice-cold shower. “You’re getting carried away, Stark!”

Steve purses his lips in thought, his fork with bacon forgotten halfway on its way to his mouth. “Nah, neither Daenerys nor Margaery are fitting for Pepper. Sure, Daenerys is a strong character who knows what she wants and she’s got a moral compass that’s important to her. And she certainly knows how to handle difficult men – or obnoxious suitors for that matter – but she started out very naïve and I just can’t imagine that Pepper ever was as naïve as that. Also, Daenerys follows a purpose. Everything she does is directed towards that one goal, sitting the Iron Throne and rule. If that were true for Pepper, she’d had her eyes set on the CEO position of Stark Industries even before she’d started working for you. But Pepper never had the _intention_ of becoming head of your company, so, no. Not Daenerys.”

“As for Margaery,” Natasha goes on immediately after Steve, “she’s just as set on a position of power, just with fewer morals in the way. If Pepper were truly like Margaery, she’d have flirted herself into Stane’s bed and helped him take you out of the picture, all the while influencing Stane to do what she wants him to do without him noticing.”

Pepper grimaces and Tony flinches. And shivers. “Alright, point taken. Oh, and thanks in advance for the nightmares, Romanoff!” he growls. A moment later he mumbles something about “Obie and Pepper”, then shivers again, this time even more violently.

Pepper takes pity on him and rubs her hand along his arm as she leaned closer. “Would it help if I call you ‘my lion’ tonight?”

He makes a show out of trying to think about it before he cracks a devious grin. “Why wait until tonight to roar?”

And in the blink of an eye he crosses the distance between them and kisses her. Passionately enough for Bucky to groan, for Clint to whoop and for Steve to clear his throat. Bruce just rolls his eyes and Natasha shakes her head.

When they finally stop, Pepper looks a little bit flushed. And Tony’s grinning like the Cheshire cat.

Bruce goes back to topic as if nothing’s happened. “Catelyn Stark.”

“Well, not quite the hotness that I’ve been hoping for but could’ve been worse.”

Pepper stabs her elbow into Tony’s side with a reproachful stare before she focuses on Bruce, who seems pretty unimpressed by the interruption.

“Catelyn’s a strong and independent woman. She’s smart and kind and she has this infallible instinct. She’s protective of those she loves and would do anything to get her loved ones back. She’s always a driving force for the men around her. Men who respect her and seek her opinion. The best of Robb’s battle plans came from her. In most ways she’d be the better general yet she stays in the background, managing everything from the shadows. The whole show only went to hell when Robb acted against her advice.”

Pepper nods, her smile growing. “I like the idea.”

“And you’re both confident,” Steve agrees. “It fits.”

Clint snickers around another sip of coffee. “Good thing you were clever and gave her the company, Stark. Wouldn’t want the Stark Industries version of a Red Wedding…”

Bucky scrutinizes Tony and Pepper for a moment, licking some maple syrup off of his fork. “So, a Stark and a Lannister…”

Natasha snorts. “That explains a lot.”

“Not Stark,” Pepper said. “Catelyn is born a Tully.”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Right, the trout people. What was is again? Um- something- ah yeah: family, duty, honor. That’s so lame. And no fun at all.”

But Pepper laughs. “That’s just what you need! Someone to keep _you_ on track!”

Tony pouts. “Like I said: no fun at all.”

He pulls a new waffle onto his plate and rips a part off. Before he raises his hand he eyes Natasha skeptically then quickly pops it into his mouth. After some chewing he narrows his eyes at Bruce. “So, what about you, Mr. Buzzkill? Who would you pick for yourself?”

“Hey!” Clint shouts, quite indignant. “That’s not how this game works. No one picks for themselves!”

Bruce licks his spoon clean and places it on the table. As soon as his hands are free he spreads them at his sides in an inviting gesture. “Please, by all means. Be my guest.”

But they fall short.

And quiet.

“Finding someone who’s actually truly kind and gentle in that show is harder than I’d thought…” Pepper muses.

Steve nods, with his head and with the piece of bacon between his fingers. “Yeah, and not just that. He also needs to be smart.”

“More an observer than an active participant,” Natasha adds for consideration.

“What about the strange kid? Um, what was his name again, Jo- uh- Jojen? The one with the visions? He’s more the quiet type and he’s quite knowledgable,” Bucky says, more a question than anything else.

They turn quiet again for a moment. Thinking.

“Nah! That’s- no, just no. It doesn’t fit. But what about Sam Tarly? He’s happiest around his books. He loves knowledge. He’s a nice guy and a loyal friend, a bit shy but if push comes to shove he stands by his opinion and defends it – or his friends. And hey, he can be pretty badass, too, killing a White Walker and all.” Clint shrugs and stuffs another portion of Nutella with pancake into his mouth.

Bruce frowns and cocks an eyebrow at Barton. “I hope your badass-white-walker-comment wasn’t directed at the Other Guy. Because that wouldn’t fit _at all_.”

Instead of Clint it was Bucky who answers, “No, the Hulk should definitely get his own character. And I know just the one. Tall, bulky, terrifying, always angry, everyone fears him and he shows no mercy…”

“The Mountain,” Steve and Pepper recite in unison.

Bucky nods. “Yep. The Mountain.”

Pepper frowns. “Why not a dragon? They’re also big and scary and dangerous…” She stops, bites her lip in a sheepish way and looks to Bruce. “Sorry.”

He just smiles good-naturedly. “Don’t worry, you’re not gonna offend me with the truth.”

“So,” she repeats, “why not dragons?”

“They’re trained, honey,” Tony explains, “well, more or less. But most of all, they fight and kill either to protect – themselves or their mother – or to feed. And where one might be true some of the times for the Other Guy I really don’t want to imagine the other one!”

Bruce tilts his head forward, pulls his glasses off with one hand and rubs the bridge of his nose with the other. “Thanks Tony, for this lovely and absolutely unnecessary mental image.”

Tony only smirks. “Hey, you could use Robocop’s arm here as toothpick.” A low growl sounds from beneath long hair. “Or maybe not. Anyway, back to topic. I don’t think Sam’s the best fit here for Bruce.”

“Oh wise genius, enlighten us then: who is?” Clint scoffs.

“Maester Aemon.”

“The old, blind guy? From Castle Black?” Steve asks.

Natasha nods approvingly. “Good choice, Stark.”

“He fills all the criteria. He’s smart, sometimes even witty. He’s good at giving advice and he’s dutiful. He even declined the throne because he’d sworn an oath. And that’s definitely something our Brucie here would do. Aemon kept out of politics and even removed himself completely from it by going to the end of the world, although the Wall is a little bit colder than Kalkutta. And there’s this melancholy in his eyes about all that he’s lost.”

Tony shuffles a bit as he realizes that his short speech has concluded a bit more serious than intended.

Bruce nods, a satisfied expression on his face. “And so my watch begins, I guess.”

And just like that the atmosphere grows lighter again.

A sudden gasp fills the room, closely followed by Tony’s voice again. “Thor! We need someone for Mr. Mean-Swing!”

Steve shrugs, uncomprehending. “Why? He’s in Asgard. I highly doubt that he even knows what _Game of Thr_ -“

Tony interrupts – and ignores – Steve’s objection with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Nonsense. He’s part of the team. And the team gets characters, so- we need someone fitting for our otherworldly prince.”

Clint chuckles all of a sudden, drawing the other’s gazes towards him. “Don’t ask me about Thor, but I’ve got the perfect candidate for his crazy ass brother.” A big grin is plastered onto his face now. “The Mad King! It’s perfect, isn’t it?”

Natasha tilts her head and scrutinizes him like a scientist a very, very strange specimen. “Do you _ever_ think before you open your mouth?”

Clint simply looks back, not one bit confused or irritated and still smiling. “No, why would I? I’ve got you for that.”

It’s the teasing and yet loving self-evidence of someone who knows the other inside out. And it manages to make her lips twitch into an open, honest smile. At least for a moment before her eyebrow arches and her smile turns a bit condescending.

“As the name says: Mad King Aerys was king. Loki isn’t. He’s desperate for a throne, though. And he thinks it’s his right to rule. So, he’s definitely Viserys!”

Bruce points his spoon at her before he scoops up another mix of yoghurt, fruits and nuts. “No argument from me, there!”

“Loki’s easy,” Steve admits, “unless Thor. I’ve got really no idea here.”

“Well,” Bucky shrugs, “I might not really know the guy very well, but… looks pretty simple to me. You need a foreigner. Someone with sometimes strange customs who doesn’t really understand those from outside his corner of the world. Or universe. Someone who knows how to lead and commands respect and loyalty from his people. There’s only one fitting for that role. And although Thor needs to still work on his hair his physique is certainly already a match for Khal Drogo.”

Clint nods in agreement. “Not bad.”

Pepper grimaces. “Just don’t tell him. Or more important: don’t show him.”

Tony hisses, his grimace matching hers. “Yeah, bad idea. Drogo dies early on.”

She slaps his arm. “That’s not what I meant. I meant the wedding night that’s more rape than sex. I don’t think he’d react especially thrilled to that. And secondly: Drogo is the one who kills Viserys. I don’t think he’d like that picture very much, either.”

Steve and Bruce flinch and Tony wrinkles his nose, then concedes, “Well, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“Or us,” Clint adds, grumbling.

“What about Barnes?” Natasha asks.

“Yeah, what about Bucky?” Steve joins her, eager for anything that keeps him from picturing Thor finding out. There are far more enjoyable things to focus on. So he places his hand on Bucky’s thigh and leans closer to whisper into his ear. “I wonder which skilled fighter will join my bed tonight?”

“The one that _won’t_ share you with a wildling! No matter if kissed by fire or not.” Bucky whispers back, his lips twitching as he gives Steve one of his looks out of the corner of his eyes. The kind that makes no secret of his intentions. The kind that makes the blond soldier blush. Each and every time.

Tony’s eyes narrow in suspicion. “What’s there to whisper, huh?” He notices the redness creeping up Steve’s neck and ears and backpedals quickly. “Um, you know what? No, I don’t want to know. I’ve got enough creepy images in my head with the Hulk eating us for breakfast and Pepper and Obie…” He shudders again. “I really don’t need to know about Barnes’ kinky phantasies.”

“And here I thought your curiosity knows no bounds,” Clint laughs, then it turns into something darker, something teasing, directed at Bucky, who tenses and narrows his eyes warningly. To each of their surprises Clint makes no dirty comment. “Barnes is easy. He’s the Hound.”

Pepper frowns. Hard. “Why the Hound?”

“Yeah, Barton. Why the Hound?” Bucky asks again. He sounds perfectly normal but there is something in his eyes… which has absolutely no effect on Clint at all.

“He’s creepy. He’s doing the bad guy’s dirty work. He’s disfigured and a cruel, merciless fighter. And he’s got…”

“Oh, come _on_! Stop it already, will you?” Tony interrupts him. “You all know it but you’re afraid to say it.” He fixes his eyes on the former assassin’s icy stare without blinking. “There’s one brainwashed and imprisoned character who’s been tortured and used and misses body parts and…”

“If you say Theon Greyjoy, Stark, then we’ll see about who’s next in line for missing a body part!” Bucky growls – and sounds surprisingly similar to Ghost in that moment.

“I wasn’t…”

“Same goes for Reek!”

Tony deflates and sighs melodramatically. “You’re no fun at all.”

Pepper shakes her head. “That’s not funny. And Bucky’s nothing like Theon. He’d never have betrayed his best friend and Hydra made him into a frightening killer not a frightened coward. No, I think if anyone then he’s Grey Worm. Trained to kill without remorse; fear driven out of him. Brainwashed to obey, to be a weapon to whomever holds the whip. But then, freed, he learns to live and decide for himself. He’s a warrior who pledges his life to the one who freed him from his chains.”

“Not bad,” Natasha agrees and Bruce nods.

Clint shrugs. “Have completely forgotten about him, but it fits.”

“Me too,” Bucky admits. “He’s a formidable fighter and a strong character.”

Steve grins. “I like it.”

“Good choice,” Tony relents. “And it even involves the missing body parts.”

“Tony,” Steve warns.

But instead of getting angry and imitating Ghost again Bucky only frowns. “You’re strangely fixated on the nether regions of those castrated characters. Is there anything we should know, Tony?”

Clint and Bruce almost choke on their coffees while Pepper tries to hide her grin. Bucky looks innocently at Tony until he cracks up and laughs at the billionaire’s indignant expression. Natasha meanwhile leans back in her chair and crosses glances with Steve. Both of them are smirking, at least until Natasha chooses to join in on the joke.

“Yeah, Stark, is there anything we should know? I mean, obviously you’re part dwarf and part woman, so- I can understand if you’ve got some performance issues that make you fixate on the problems of others.”

If Natasha’s words haven’t been enough Tony’s outraged gaping and senseless sputtering – come on, seeing Tony Stark actually lost for words was probably a “once in a live time”-experience – sends them all into gales of laughter.

Tony crosses his arms in front of his chest, a sullen grimace on his face. “At least my characters _have_ a sex life! And I can assure you my equipment is-“

Pepper quickly interrupts him before he has the chance to divulge a lot more about their sex life than she was comfortable with and that just because of some wounded male pride. “What about you, Natasha? We still need someone for you.” However, she leans against Tony and puts her arm around his back, so her fingers can play with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. She knows how much he loves that, after all. And it appeases him enough to actually stay quiet.

Clint scrapes the remnants of Nutella from his plate and at the same time waggles his eyebrows at Natasha. “Well, you’re a redhead. You can be creepy as fuck if you want to and you’re pretty good at manipulating others without them noticing. And you’re hot.” His eyes wander down from her face, taking everything else in that isn’t hidden underneath the table before they turn back up, leering. “We could light a fire together. You now, for the night is dark and full of terror.”

But Natasha only cocks a very unimpressed eyebrow at him, the look in her eyes cold and dangerous. “Compare me to that bitch again and you’re night _will_ be dark and full of terror.”

Clint swallows, a tad uncertain.

Steve and Bucky lean back, shoulder to shoulder and quite amused, to watch the show unfold.

“Seriously Clint? Preaching and burning children alive? You must indeed remember Budapest quite differently.”

“Yeah Barton, better leave the creepy magic freak for Wanda.” Tony leans forward to get a better look around Pepper at Natasha. “What about the other redhead? Ygritte? She’s fierce, a good fighter, loyal and quick-witted.” He glances sideways to Clint and winks at him. “And she’s hot.” Quickly his gaze shoots back to Natasha, this time with a big mischievous grin on his face as he points across the table at Steve. “And that means you can borrow Mr. Snow over there for that threesome you mentioned earlier.”

Clint’s eyes widen in something close to terror while Bucky’s hand closes possessively around Steve’s thigh.

Natasha only rolls her eyes, lets her head tilt sideways and throws Tony a condescending look. “You know nothing, Tony Stark!”

Bruce snickers.

The others grin.

And Clint gets some of his color back.

“What about Daenerys? She’s-“ Steve starts, but Natasha almost immediately groans and rolls her eyes even harder than before. She raises one of her hands and stares at her fingernails, acting bored out of her mind. “Oh please, is that the best you can do, boys?”

“Margaery Tyrell,” Bruce says. “Clever, scheming, great actress, knows how to play both ends against the middle.”

“That might be true,” Bucky concedes, “but she’s no fighter. I’d go with Ellaria Sand. Or at least one of the Sand Snakes. Or all of them in one. They’ve got the right temperament for Nat.”

Natasha finishes her coffee and sighs. “At least Barnes comes close. If there’s one character in Westeros that fits me-“

“Oy!” Tony interrupts at once. “I thought no one’s allowed to choose their own character. Rules of the game. Right, Barton?”

Clint holds up his hands. “Don’t look at me, Stark. I don’t fancy a night full of terror. She can choose whoever she wants to choose.”

“Sissy,” Tony shoots back.

Steve ignores him and gestures Natasha to go on.

“What I was saying,” she stresses and throws some daggers with her eyes at Tony, “is that I’d make a good Nymeria.”

“Who?” ask Pepper and Steve at the same time.

“The wolf?” ask Tony and Clint, confused and just a second later.

“How is that close to the Sand Snakes?” Bucky wants to know, clearly puzzled.

Only Bruce grins and nods. “Haven’t thought of that, but yeah, now that you’ve said it. It’s kind of obvious, especially with all the cleaning up after us that you do.”

With another sigh at the other’s questioning gazes Natasha starts explaining.

“Nymeria, the Rhoynar Warrior Queen. The one who saved her people by bringing them to Dorne. She was fierce and scary and clever as hell. She wasn’t one for weeping over what’s lost. Instead she united the peoples of Dorne, sending their defeated kings to the Wall to join the Night’s Watch. She was loyal and quite protective of her own. And although she married into House Martell she made it perfectly clear that _she_ was the one ruling, not her husband. She was the one who taught the Dornish that women are equal in all things. If not better.”

“I’ve never heard of her,” Bucky admits and Steve nods in agreement.

“You sure you don’t make that up, sweetheart?” Clint asks, although carefully.

Her gaze hardens and a dark, gleaming sparkle glimmers in her eyes that, together with her thin lips, promised bad times ahead for Clint. If not for his comment then for his use of the term ‘sweetheart’. “Oh, the night will definitely be dark and full of terror for you.”

Clint swallows and shuts up immediately. Bucky and Tony chuckle softly.

Then Natasha fixes on Tony and Pepper, but they both shrug, they’ve never heard of this Nymeria either. She heaves another sigh, one of the long-suffering kind.

“Come on guys? Learn your history! Seriously? Not one of you watched the specials?”

“They did not, Miss Romanoff,” the voice of Jarvis answers with his usual hint of sarcasm and completely out of the blue – startling even Tony for a second. “However, if I might offer an opinion on the matter? Miss Nymeria is indeed a formidable woman but I took the liberty to design an algorithm while you were discussing the topic. It compares all of your respective traits and the paths your life has taken so far with those of the characters from the TV-show as well as the one’s from the books. I didn’t include a limit to a specific time period, so it includes all of known history of Westeros and Essos. According to that algorithm, Miss Romanoff is a much better match for a Faceless Men.”

 

And that’s how they learned that Jarvis was the biggest nerd of them all.

**Author's Note:**

> Agree with my choices? 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you had as much fun as I had writing this!


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